Top 10 Things Women Can Do to Attract Men

10) Consistently pimp your Farmville/Mafia Wars/etc. games on Facebook. Not only does this tell us you have too much time on your hands, but that you are also probably easily distracted, lazy, and gained more than 20 pounds since high school. You probably also lack a large number of real friends - something guys really look for in the love of their life.

9) Drugs. All men love a girl who isn't afraid to get her nose a little dirty. A coke problem probably means she's skinny enough to show her off to your friends, while a pill problem means she's probably sedated enough to not bitch you out every 10 minutes.

8) Lower Back Tattoos. Nothing says "this is the love of my life" like seeing a girl with a tattoo on her lower back. Actually, it really says "I've either slept with over 30 men or I was at one point a stripper". I once dated a girl with about ~4 tattoos and she had slept with over 20 people and DIDN'T have a lower back tattoo. At this point 90% of guys know a tattoo on the lower back = whore, so if you've got one, you're bound to attract the opposite sex.

7) Purchase Designer Handbags and Sunglasses. Nothing says classy like a woman who still works an hourly job, with no college degree, but still rocks a Gucci bag with D&G sunglasses. Don't worry ladies, us men are stupid and realize that when you're making a solid $15K a year and spending about $2K of that on pure crap, you won't blow our money if we end up getting married.

6) Have lots of Guy Friends and Practically no Girl Friends. Don't worry baby, us men won't be able to put two and two together and realize that lots of guy friends = greater chance for you to cheat. Nor will we care about your inability to get along with other girls. That won't ever be a major problem.

5) Put out on the First Date. Again, a real winner for proving you are marriage material. This works especially well if "first date" is really "I met you at a bar, we talked about 5 minutes, discussing something I don't remember, and then we banged at my place". Preferably no condom, either. STDs are more myth than reality. +5 bonus points if you are a squirter.

4) Develop a Solid Drinking Problem. Nothing says love like an addiction to alcohol. Who really needs a liver anyway? Hell, by the time we're 50, you'll be able to get a new liver from some amazing medical breakthrough, so fuck it. The increase in your weight from drinking every day of the week will simply create "more cushion for the pushin" and won't create any problems at all.

3) Wear Lots of Makeup. I'm not talking about just a long routine of "putting on your face". What I really mean here is putting on so much makeup that whenever you don't have any on, we begin to think about beer goggles, even though we were sober the entire time. Every man loves to date a clown face.

2) Complain about your Period. Nothing says love like telling a man what it is really like to be having your period. We love knowing the fact that sex is out of the question, and all about how disgusting it would be to accidentally sleep with you and be "perioded".

1) Become a "Baby Momma". All men love taking care of another man's kid. It's like watching football on Sundays - we love it that much. If you're able to have 3 or 4 kids from 3 or 4 different fathers, even the better. That won't scare men away at all. Better yet, your kids won't be teased in school whenever their classmates find out their mom is a whore.