QB of the Year
Aaron Rodgers (GB) - This was a tough one. I went with Rodgers here because he's put up the most points in standard ESPN scoring leagues, led the Packers to a respectable record, and offers something none of the other QBs do - rushing (283 yards, 3 TDs YTD). He also only has 7 INTs thus far this year and has taken an absolute pounding (David Carr style) and hasn't missed a game all year.
Runner Up: Peyton Manning. Did the most with the least, making Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie fantasy relevant. Also currently undefeated.
RB of the Year
Chris Johnson (TEN) - This was an easy one. Leads all players in ESPN scoring, has over 1600 yards rushing, 11 TDs, and is very valuable in PPR leagues (42 receptions, 391 yards, and 2 receiving TDs). He has been particularly good seeing as how there are really no other offensive threats on the Titans. How good would his numbers be if VY were starting all year? With the Alcoholic at the helm, he only had 2 TDs and 2 100+ rushing efforts through 6 games. With VY? 9 TDs and 8 100+ yard efforts through 8 games. Unreal.
Runner Up: Ray Rice. Narrowly edges AP given his aptitude for catching passes (and thus, superior value in PPR leagues) as he's racked up 68 receptions YTD compared to AP's 36.
WR of the Year
Andre Johnson (HOU) - He has put up astounding numbers thus far this season. He's 5th in receptions (81), 1st in yards (1237) and tied for 7th in TDs (8). He also leads everyone in standard ESPN leagues in points by 10. He also wakes up every day thanking God he's not on the Lions (Charles Rogers is somewhere shooting up right now).
Runner Up: Miles Austin. I'm taking him here over DeSean Jackson since Jackson was drafted and Austin was not. He's clearly this year's winner for "guy who ruined fantasy leagues".
TE of the Year
Vernon Davis (SF) - He needs to send Alex Smith something really nice for Christmas. I mean, really nice. Like a $5,000 hooker and a brand new Bugatti. He leads all TEs in TDs (11) and is second in yards (815). The kid is finally starting to live up to his potential.
Runner Up: Dallas Clark. He demanded a pretty high draft pick before the season started and has delivered. In PPR leagues, he's the clear #1, but since you had to take him so much higher than Davis, he's second in my book.
DE of the Year
Jared Allen (MIN) - 46 tackles (38 solo), 4 FF, 1 INT, 13.5 sacks. What can I say other than he's one of the major reasons the Vikings have the record they do? He gets bonus points for being a former alcoholic who loves to kill shit.
Runner Up: Elvis Dumervil. 46 tackles (39 solo), 3 FF, 0 INT, 15.0 sacks. At first blush his numbers look better than Jared Allen's. Hoewver, I disagree. Tackles are basically a wash and the 1.5 extra sacks don't make up for Allen's 1 more FF and 1 INT. Also, you're probably not taking Denver's D over Minny's D.
LB of the Year
Patrick Willis (SF) - 138 tackles (103 solo), 3 FF, 2 INTs, 4 sacks. He does it all and is an absolute beast. Arguably the best LB to come out of college since LT. He is that good and his numbers every year back him up.
Runner Up: Jon Beason. 121 tackles (96 solo), 0 FF, 3 INTs, 2 sacks. Numbers are pretty close to Willis, but not quite as good. Still a great season from him.
DB of the Year
Charles Woodson (GB) - 70 tackles (62 solo), 4 FF, 8 INTs, 2 sacks, 2 TDs. Monster year from this guy. It's tough to say how many extra wins he's added to the Packers this year, but I'm sure it is at least two. Bonus points for going to Michigan.
Runner Up: Brian Dawkins. 100 tackles (82 solo), 1 FF, 2 INTs, 0 sacks. He's been a beast this year but his INTs are simply too low. I am also 99.9% certain he's taking some sort of steroid. He's like 40 and still gets up like a 25 year old who just decapitated his opponent after every tackle. Make your own conclusions...
Offensive Comeback Player of the Year
Ricky Williams, RB (MIA) - I'd like to put Brett Favre here, but I just have a feeling that he's going to continue to tank the rest of this season away (quick, someone get him some Vicodin, stat!). Ricky wins because after Ronnie Brown went down he was an absolute beast (100+ yards rushing in 4 of 6 games and 5 TDs). He also gets high.
Defensive Comeback Player of the Year
Bernard Pollard, DB (HOU) - OK so his year in 2008 wasn't that bad. But then you start to think about the fact that the Chiefs cut this guy. And how did he respond? By putting up 89 tackles (70 solo), 0.5 sacks, 1 FF, 2 INTs, and 1 TD... in 11 games! In 16 games with the Chiefs last year he didn't match his pass deflection total (4), TDs, sacks, or INTs. Unreal year from him. Of course you have to ask yourself - does Pioli know what he's doing in KC? Or is Bellichick the only thing good in NE?
I'd also like to note that my Breakout Players of the Year were Miles Austin and Elvis Dumervil. I already spoke of them, so I figured another couple of paragraphs was overkill.
Also, Tom Cable - you are my coach of the year.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Potshots: The NFC
Alright, I'm doing this because my life is on tilt right now. Anyway, here is what I think of all NFL teams:
Dallas: You're 8-3 but your remaining schedule is rough, your best WR is Miles Austin, and your three-headed RB combo will likely get you in trouble. It's like Tony Romo is Tiger Woods and your RBs are his mistresses. You know the story. This won't end well for you.
Philadelphia: Your quarterback is black and not named Doug Williams and even worse your coach is Andy Reid. You've been down this road a thousand times. It's like Notre Dame still hanging on for football glory, only for an NFL team. Give up now Philly fans. And oh yeah, the Michael Vick signing? What a waste of money. Barf.
New York Giants: Eli Manning is not Peyton Manning, and to top if off - he's playing hurt. You guys have lost two of your starting cornerbacks. Brandon Jacobs looks like Shaun Alexander (2007 version). You are fucked.
Washington: Well, it could be worse. You could be Oakland or Tampa Bay. Either way, your starting RB is getting old, you have no franchise QB, and your defense is mediocre at best. Things won't be getting better for a while in Washington, so I suggest you start playing fantasy football (heavily, like... drinking, but instead of stopping at drink #12, going for the full 24).
Minnesota: Your players can't drive 55 and Favre can't throw in December. As a Vikings fan, how worried are you that you'll face the Packers in the playoffs and they will decimate you? Jared Allen is a beast, however, and you probably owe the entire city of Kansas City a steak dinner, lap dance, and $200 suck and fuck.
Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers might be the most underrated QB in the NFL right now (certainly, he's #1 in fantasy points but never mentioned in the Brees/Manning/Favre discussion... odd) but your RB is still Ryan Grant, your defense (outside of Charles Woodson) still sucks (AJ Hawk, I'm looking at you, you ugly piece of shit) and you are based in Green Bay. I'd rather put a team in Wheaton, IL.
Chicago: You're killing yourself over Cutler. But fret not, Orton has shown his true colors in Denver and will never win anything. Well, maybe a jack daniels drinking competition, but that's another article. Matt Forte, you ruined one of my fantasy teams this year. Go back to Tulane you fuck.
Detroit: Two more wins this year than last year. Too bad Michigan as a state is on tilt. Don't kill yourself, but developing some sort of suicide plan might be a good idea.
New Orleans: Wow, how good would you be if you had Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bust? I don't know. Probably not much better. Can't really hate on the Saints.
Atlanta: You are bipolar and need medication. Matt Ryan has saved the franchise but now he's hurt. Michael Turner - it was fun while it lasted.
Carolina: I could write an entire book about your incompetence as a football team and a front office. Jake Delhomme was never the answer, you don't have a first round pick in 2010, and you're going to start sucking for a long period of time. Beginning this year (4-7 hello).
Tampa Bay: If you were a television show, you'd either be that failed Matt LeBlanc / Joey Tribbiani spin off show, or the Magic Johnson talk show. I can't decide. Both were awful. You also win the award for "average football fan might not be able to name anyone on our roster".
Arizona: No one really cares about you, and tons of people are secretly rooting for Kurt Warner to fail so they can bang his wife. For money, of course. But still...
San Francisco: Michael Crabtree has been impressive after blowing off the first half of the season, but your QB still sucks, the defense hasn't been very inspired, and your coach is not white.
Seattle: Good lord, you are like the old dog that needs to be put to sleep - only no one in the family has the heart to do it. Justin Forsett? Really? No... never..
St. Louis: We'll remember this as the year Steven Jackson killed himself on one of the worst teams in football. And we'll only remember it when 60 minutes does a story in 2035 with Jackson in a wheelchair, Earl Campbell style.
Coming soon: the AFC and my NFL picks for Sunday.
Dallas: You're 8-3 but your remaining schedule is rough, your best WR is Miles Austin, and your three-headed RB combo will likely get you in trouble. It's like Tony Romo is Tiger Woods and your RBs are his mistresses. You know the story. This won't end well for you.
Philadelphia: Your quarterback is black and not named Doug Williams and even worse your coach is Andy Reid. You've been down this road a thousand times. It's like Notre Dame still hanging on for football glory, only for an NFL team. Give up now Philly fans. And oh yeah, the Michael Vick signing? What a waste of money. Barf.
New York Giants: Eli Manning is not Peyton Manning, and to top if off - he's playing hurt. You guys have lost two of your starting cornerbacks. Brandon Jacobs looks like Shaun Alexander (2007 version). You are fucked.
Washington: Well, it could be worse. You could be Oakland or Tampa Bay. Either way, your starting RB is getting old, you have no franchise QB, and your defense is mediocre at best. Things won't be getting better for a while in Washington, so I suggest you start playing fantasy football (heavily, like... drinking, but instead of stopping at drink #12, going for the full 24).
Minnesota: Your players can't drive 55 and Favre can't throw in December. As a Vikings fan, how worried are you that you'll face the Packers in the playoffs and they will decimate you? Jared Allen is a beast, however, and you probably owe the entire city of Kansas City a steak dinner, lap dance, and $200 suck and fuck.
Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers might be the most underrated QB in the NFL right now (certainly, he's #1 in fantasy points but never mentioned in the Brees/Manning/Favre discussion... odd) but your RB is still Ryan Grant, your defense (outside of Charles Woodson) still sucks (AJ Hawk, I'm looking at you, you ugly piece of shit) and you are based in Green Bay. I'd rather put a team in Wheaton, IL.
Chicago: You're killing yourself over Cutler. But fret not, Orton has shown his true colors in Denver and will never win anything. Well, maybe a jack daniels drinking competition, but that's another article. Matt Forte, you ruined one of my fantasy teams this year. Go back to Tulane you fuck.
Detroit: Two more wins this year than last year. Too bad Michigan as a state is on tilt. Don't kill yourself, but developing some sort of suicide plan might be a good idea.
New Orleans: Wow, how good would you be if you had Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bust? I don't know. Probably not much better. Can't really hate on the Saints.
Atlanta: You are bipolar and need medication. Matt Ryan has saved the franchise but now he's hurt. Michael Turner - it was fun while it lasted.
Carolina: I could write an entire book about your incompetence as a football team and a front office. Jake Delhomme was never the answer, you don't have a first round pick in 2010, and you're going to start sucking for a long period of time. Beginning this year (4-7 hello).
Tampa Bay: If you were a television show, you'd either be that failed Matt LeBlanc / Joey Tribbiani spin off show, or the Magic Johnson talk show. I can't decide. Both were awful. You also win the award for "average football fan might not be able to name anyone on our roster".
Arizona: No one really cares about you, and tons of people are secretly rooting for Kurt Warner to fail so they can bang his wife. For money, of course. But still...
San Francisco: Michael Crabtree has been impressive after blowing off the first half of the season, but your QB still sucks, the defense hasn't been very inspired, and your coach is not white.
Seattle: Good lord, you are like the old dog that needs to be put to sleep - only no one in the family has the heart to do it. Justin Forsett? Really? No... never..
St. Louis: We'll remember this as the year Steven Jackson killed himself on one of the worst teams in football. And we'll only remember it when 60 minutes does a story in 2035 with Jackson in a wheelchair, Earl Campbell style.
Coming soon: the AFC and my NFL picks for Sunday.
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