College Football 2009 - Why You Should Just Give Up Now

Alright, I felt the need to write a little post after Saturday's games. Here is what I am saying - forget college football this year unless you're a Florida, Texas, or Alabama fan.

Where We Have Been

A ton of premature ejaculations this year. Let's review:

1) Tebow / McCoy / Bradford Heisman race. What a joke this has turned into. Tebow has been good, but arguably regressed from previous years. McCoy - also solid but not nearly the player he was last year. Bradford was hurt in the first game, and then knocked out for good in the Texas game. Two of these three QB's teams are still undefeated but have been more "puddling along" than "putting the pedal to the metal".

2) The return of old favorites to excellence - Michigan, Miami, and Notre Dame. Michigan wins its first 4 games before losing 5 of its next 6 - something that certainly has Rich Rod and his coaching staff under fire. Miami beats ranked FSU and Georgia Tech before getting blown out by Virginia Tech (an honorable mention for this category) and losing to Clemson in OT (but note they have been the most impressive case for "comeback team thus far", winning all of their other games). Notre Dame just lost to Navy. Again. And they lost to Michigan - which is looking worse and worse every week (note to ND fans - if you are celebrating Michigan's demise - that's just hurting you).

3) The solid programs turning into elite programs but then shitting the bed. I'm talking to you, Iowa and Oregon. How can you reasonably expect anyone to take you serious this year when you either: (a) Almost lose your first game to a D-2 school and then lose to Northwestern of all people (Iowa) or (b) Get blown out in your first game in which your star RB gets suspended indefinitely for punching out an opposing player in the post-game and getting blown out by Stanford (Oregon). You guys had it made - could have made a Natty Title run and all you had to do was win your last 3 (Iowa) or 4 (Oregon) games. So sad.

Where We Are

ACC - Your best school (Georgia Tech) runs a high school offense that any self respecting defensive coordinator should be able to stop. Your "Atlantic" representative will have either 3 or 4 losses and with a little luck could receive a BCS bid (total joke). Your worst school (Maryland) is one of three schools from major conferences to already be eliminated from bowl contention. As a conference, for what seems like the 10th year in a row, you've failed to turn solid recruiting classes (VT, Miami, FSU, North Carolina) into on-the-field-talent. You suck. All non-ACC schools hate you for having a BCS bid.

Big 12 - Texas is your best school, and remains undefeated although they've played poorly this year. What does that say about your conference? The North division is again a total joke, currently led by Kansas State (really?). Nebraska again looks great one weekend and terrible another. Mizzou looks awful after putting together an excellent early season resume. Oklahoma fans should contemplate suicide as they have completely fallen apart this year, even after their stars chose to return (not their fault that they were injured, though).

Big East - I can't take you seriously since your basketball division has like 20 teams and your football division has like 5 teams. How does this happen? I demand an NCAA investigation. Cincinnati and Pitt have been very impressive thus far - but then you start to remember that it's Cincinnati and Pitt and want to cry. Syracuse is again terrible and is the only way that Greg Robinson keeps his job at Michigan next year. The entire city of Louisville still wants to light Bobby Petrino on fire, while WVU seemingly will get over the Rich Rod exodus very soon.

Big Ten - Two of your three best teams (PSU and OSU) are capable of losing to any team in the division on a given week. If Iowa loses another game you will rival the ACC for "team that deserves to be here least" in a BCS bowl game. Until Michigan returns to glory (if ever), your conference will continue to be a joke. In fact, this will probably be the case until cold weather teams start to beat warm weather teams, if that ever happens. If Rich Rod has proven anything, it's that warm weather kids hate playing in cold weather - when will he stop recruiting Florida kids and start focusing on the Midwest? Terrelle Pryor continues to believe killing people is OK - just not opposing players on the football field (teammates however are fair game).

Pac 10 - Holy crapshoot, Batman. USC has more talent than any other program but still manages to choke away an easy game (Washington) and blow away a crucial game (Oregon). Oregon looks like front-runners until they lose to Stanford and everyone remembers that Boise State is a better team. Arizona and Stanford are bright spots, but lack the talent to be effective on the national stage against other conferences. Washington State is 1-8.

SEC - Again, the only "real" conference in college football. And trust me, I hate writing that. BUT - they are not real as all the outsiders would like to think. Yes, Florida and Alabama will likely play again for the Nationa... err, SEC Championship, but where are the other teams? Ole Miss was #4 in the preseason rankings but sits at 6-3. They are hands down the most disappointing team in the land this year, and that's not good for the conference. Florida is not as good as advertised, and Alabama has found success by signing 35 kids every year and then having the misfits magically disappear throughout the season (this is the sketchiest and dirtiest tactic deployed by any school in the NCAA). LSU is having a down year and lacks the offensive firepower to be a legit threat. Georgia is a huge disappointment and Tennessee continues to suck on Phil Fullmer's departed dick.

Where We Are Headed

If I were a gambling man, things would play out like this:

ACC - Georgia Tech holds on and "treats" a nationally televised audience to one of the most boring BCS games of all time.

Big 12 - Texas runs the table, benefiting from a weak conference. They are blown out in the national title game.

Big East - Cincinnati goes undefeated and finishes third. People are reminded of Auburn in 2003 and eventually Congress rules the BCS to be "unconstitutional" or something like that, and finally every college football fan gets what they want - a playoff system. Cinci also wins their BCS bowl game.

Big Ten - Iowa backs into the Rose Bowl by losing to OSU, but then celebrating as OSU chokes away the Michigan game. RR saves his job for one more year by winning the Pizza Bowl game.

Pac 10 - Oregon hangs on by a thread and blows out Iowa in the Rose Bowl. The Rose Bowl continues to wish for better days - like when Vince Young graced its presence with last second wins over USC and Michigan.

SEC - Alabama gets its revenge on Florida and plays Texas for the National Title. They win. Handily.

TCU and Boise State go undefeated and one makes a bowl game (probably Boise State), seeing as how they won't leapfrog a one-loss Florida or Alabama. TCU fans bitch and moan, but then remembers they are the 15th most popular program in Texas (including high schools) and shuts the fuck up.

College basketball is again in full force when the bowl games roll around and fans nationwide continue to think "why do we care about these bowls again"?

Playoff system by 2012.