To Come...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Final Thoughts on Lebron
So I have made my return to talk about Lebron, and I feel I have given it enough time to sort everything out. To recap, here is what we know:
1) Lebron decided to waste an hour of our lives with "The Decision" on ESPN, with Jim Grey's corpse.
2) He spurned Cleveland for "South Beach" (hint: the Heat play in the slums of Miami, not South Beach)
3) He received a lot of sh*t from the media for this.
The natural reaction is "Lebron made a huge mistake, is still a child in an adult athlete's body, and is now one of the biggest a-holes in sports". That is exactly what I thought after his decision was made - but over the last few weeks I've changed my tune a little bit.
Why is that? For three reasons:
1) He was playing in Cleveland, which by all accounts is one of the worst major cities in America. I believe Forbes just named it their #1 most depressing city (or something like that), and according to my boy Joakim Noah, "nobody ever takes vacation to Cleveland". Who wouldn't want to leave here? Hell, Art Modell had a loyal following of Browns fans and still up and left the place. "South Beach" isn't perfect by any means, but anyone who tells you they would rather live in Cleveland is a Marv.
2) This isn't the 80's or the 90's. You don't have to do it by yourself. If Lebron wants to win championships, why not team up with two of the other top picks from his draft class, get a bunch of solid role players to take the league minimum, and cruise through the league? Sure, he will never have a legacy like Jordan did, but he will still have titles - right? And let's say Lebron has a real confidence - whereby he is happy with himself and he doesn't care what other people think. That's real.
3) This is the biggest reason of all and holds the most weight. It seems as if during the Celtics playoff series, the team dropped the bomb on Lebron that they knew Delonte West was banging his mom. Everyone on the team except Lebron and Z knew about it, and they weren't telling him. This had been going on for months. Would you want to return to a team that all knew one of the players was banging your mom? I wouldn't. That alone is enough (in my eyes) for him to leave.
I'm sure more things will come out as the NBA season nears in October - but I say give Lebron another chance. If Wade, Bosh, and him begin to embrace the a-hole images they've built over the past few weeks - it's fine to root against them. Just know that Lebron had his reasons to leave, even if his decision to do an hour-long special on ESPN was a poor one.
1) Lebron decided to waste an hour of our lives with "The Decision" on ESPN, with Jim Grey's corpse.
2) He spurned Cleveland for "South Beach" (hint: the Heat play in the slums of Miami, not South Beach)
3) He received a lot of sh*t from the media for this.
The natural reaction is "Lebron made a huge mistake, is still a child in an adult athlete's body, and is now one of the biggest a-holes in sports". That is exactly what I thought after his decision was made - but over the last few weeks I've changed my tune a little bit.
Why is that? For three reasons:
1) He was playing in Cleveland, which by all accounts is one of the worst major cities in America. I believe Forbes just named it their #1 most depressing city (or something like that), and according to my boy Joakim Noah, "nobody ever takes vacation to Cleveland". Who wouldn't want to leave here? Hell, Art Modell had a loyal following of Browns fans and still up and left the place. "South Beach" isn't perfect by any means, but anyone who tells you they would rather live in Cleveland is a Marv.
2) This isn't the 80's or the 90's. You don't have to do it by yourself. If Lebron wants to win championships, why not team up with two of the other top picks from his draft class, get a bunch of solid role players to take the league minimum, and cruise through the league? Sure, he will never have a legacy like Jordan did, but he will still have titles - right? And let's say Lebron has a real confidence - whereby he is happy with himself and he doesn't care what other people think. That's real.
3) This is the biggest reason of all and holds the most weight. It seems as if during the Celtics playoff series, the team dropped the bomb on Lebron that they knew Delonte West was banging his mom. Everyone on the team except Lebron and Z knew about it, and they weren't telling him. This had been going on for months. Would you want to return to a team that all knew one of the players was banging your mom? I wouldn't. That alone is enough (in my eyes) for him to leave.
I'm sure more things will come out as the NBA season nears in October - but I say give Lebron another chance. If Wade, Bosh, and him begin to embrace the a-hole images they've built over the past few weeks - it's fine to root against them. Just know that Lebron had his reasons to leave, even if his decision to do an hour-long special on ESPN was a poor one.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Potshots: Mark McGwire
Let me start this off by saying that I do, in fact, like Mark McGwire. But do to an influx of emails and texts from friends (even STL Cardinals fans) about how McGwire "is an asshole", I decided to take him on in another Potshots exclusive.
Before I dig into the guy, let me state a fact: McGwire and Sosa saved baseball. Anyone who disagrees with this is a moron (sure, post 9/11 games at Yankee Stadium did a lot to help too, but that was years later). Look at hockey - although it was never as popular as baseball was in the United States, it is still struggling to come back from it's lockout year. And, to top it off, the sport has two of the best young players ever in Sid the Kid and Alex the Barbarian. Yet, they still can't return the sport to where it was before (unlike McGwire and Sosa).
So what's my point? McGwire deserves at least more consideration for the Hall of Fame (25% of the vote? Really? It is the hall of fame, right? Who was more famous from 1995-2000 in baseball? No one). But in the end, he does fall into that category with Sosa, Bonds, Clemens, Palmiero, and ARod - great players, but total assholes.
Let's attack some of what McGwire has said -
"I wish I never played in the steroids era"
Well thanks Mac. I hope this is a total lie. What would you rather be doing - putting up drywall, or paving parking lots? Your intelligence is equivalent to that of a half retarded person, so I guess a life of manual labor would be better than playing baseball. Asshole.
"The only reason I took steroids was for health reasons"
This is a joke - right? While you did have injury concerns prior to taking 'roids (according to you at least. Canseco begs to differ), your power numbers went up considerably post 1994. Something like going from a HR per 14 AB's to a HR per 7 AB's. You might have been taking them to increase your durability, but guess what - your "gift" in hitting HR's was nearly doubled by the roids as well. Asshole.
"I took steroids on and off for my entire career"
What does this mean? You roided out with Canseco, quit for a season, realized how much you sucked without them, and then started up again? I'd bet my life that "off" is either: (a) cycling off them for a couple of weeks (you know, the old four weeks on, two weeks off cycle) or (b) one or a very limited portion (less than 20%) of his career he was clean. Asshole.
"I don't remember the names of the steroids that I took"
Well, I actually believe him here. He has the IQ of something between a person with down syndrome and a crack baby. I doubt he could spell "steroid". Did anyone see the official statement that he released in writing? It looks like he originally wrote it, and his lawyers attempted to edit it (over ten times at least), but eventually said "fuck it, there's nothing we can do" and released that trash to the general public.
"I never talked about steroids with other teammates"
Yeah, right. And Clemens was never at a party held by Jose Canseco (even though there is a picture of him at said party). Clearly Mac, you and Canseco were butt buddies, but not in the traditional sense. You probably had roid parties on a daily basis that were followed by trips to the local Oakland ghetto where you paid to beat up cheap hookers. Speaking of Canseco - I wish I could have bet on the facts in his steroids book. At the time people were calling HIM the asshole / liar / etc. But now look at him. He's the nostradomus of the steroids era. All hail Canseco.
Before I dig into the guy, let me state a fact: McGwire and Sosa saved baseball. Anyone who disagrees with this is a moron (sure, post 9/11 games at Yankee Stadium did a lot to help too, but that was years later). Look at hockey - although it was never as popular as baseball was in the United States, it is still struggling to come back from it's lockout year. And, to top it off, the sport has two of the best young players ever in Sid the Kid and Alex the Barbarian. Yet, they still can't return the sport to where it was before (unlike McGwire and Sosa).
So what's my point? McGwire deserves at least more consideration for the Hall of Fame (25% of the vote? Really? It is the hall of fame, right? Who was more famous from 1995-2000 in baseball? No one). But in the end, he does fall into that category with Sosa, Bonds, Clemens, Palmiero, and ARod - great players, but total assholes.
Let's attack some of what McGwire has said -
"I wish I never played in the steroids era"
Well thanks Mac. I hope this is a total lie. What would you rather be doing - putting up drywall, or paving parking lots? Your intelligence is equivalent to that of a half retarded person, so I guess a life of manual labor would be better than playing baseball. Asshole.
"The only reason I took steroids was for health reasons"
This is a joke - right? While you did have injury concerns prior to taking 'roids (according to you at least. Canseco begs to differ), your power numbers went up considerably post 1994. Something like going from a HR per 14 AB's to a HR per 7 AB's. You might have been taking them to increase your durability, but guess what - your "gift" in hitting HR's was nearly doubled by the roids as well. Asshole.
"I took steroids on and off for my entire career"
What does this mean? You roided out with Canseco, quit for a season, realized how much you sucked without them, and then started up again? I'd bet my life that "off" is either: (a) cycling off them for a couple of weeks (you know, the old four weeks on, two weeks off cycle) or (b) one or a very limited portion (less than 20%) of his career he was clean. Asshole.
"I don't remember the names of the steroids that I took"
Well, I actually believe him here. He has the IQ of something between a person with down syndrome and a crack baby. I doubt he could spell "steroid". Did anyone see the official statement that he released in writing? It looks like he originally wrote it, and his lawyers attempted to edit it (over ten times at least), but eventually said "fuck it, there's nothing we can do" and released that trash to the general public.
"I never talked about steroids with other teammates"
Yeah, right. And Clemens was never at a party held by Jose Canseco (even though there is a picture of him at said party). Clearly Mac, you and Canseco were butt buddies, but not in the traditional sense. You probably had roid parties on a daily basis that were followed by trips to the local Oakland ghetto where you paid to beat up cheap hookers. Speaking of Canseco - I wish I could have bet on the facts in his steroids book. At the time people were calling HIM the asshole / liar / etc. But now look at him. He's the nostradomus of the steroids era. All hail Canseco.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Annual NFL Player Awards - 2009
QB of the Year
Aaron Rodgers (GB) - This was a tough one. I went with Rodgers here because he's put up the most points in standard ESPN scoring leagues, led the Packers to a respectable record, and offers something none of the other QBs do - rushing (283 yards, 3 TDs YTD). He also only has 7 INTs thus far this year and has taken an absolute pounding (David Carr style) and hasn't missed a game all year.
Runner Up: Peyton Manning. Did the most with the least, making Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie fantasy relevant. Also currently undefeated.
RB of the Year
Chris Johnson (TEN) - This was an easy one. Leads all players in ESPN scoring, has over 1600 yards rushing, 11 TDs, and is very valuable in PPR leagues (42 receptions, 391 yards, and 2 receiving TDs). He has been particularly good seeing as how there are really no other offensive threats on the Titans. How good would his numbers be if VY were starting all year? With the Alcoholic at the helm, he only had 2 TDs and 2 100+ rushing efforts through 6 games. With VY? 9 TDs and 8 100+ yard efforts through 8 games. Unreal.
Runner Up: Ray Rice. Narrowly edges AP given his aptitude for catching passes (and thus, superior value in PPR leagues) as he's racked up 68 receptions YTD compared to AP's 36.
WR of the Year
Andre Johnson (HOU) - He has put up astounding numbers thus far this season. He's 5th in receptions (81), 1st in yards (1237) and tied for 7th in TDs (8). He also leads everyone in standard ESPN leagues in points by 10. He also wakes up every day thanking God he's not on the Lions (Charles Rogers is somewhere shooting up right now).
Runner Up: Miles Austin. I'm taking him here over DeSean Jackson since Jackson was drafted and Austin was not. He's clearly this year's winner for "guy who ruined fantasy leagues".
TE of the Year
Vernon Davis (SF) - He needs to send Alex Smith something really nice for Christmas. I mean, really nice. Like a $5,000 hooker and a brand new Bugatti. He leads all TEs in TDs (11) and is second in yards (815). The kid is finally starting to live up to his potential.
Runner Up: Dallas Clark. He demanded a pretty high draft pick before the season started and has delivered. In PPR leagues, he's the clear #1, but since you had to take him so much higher than Davis, he's second in my book.
DE of the Year
Jared Allen (MIN) - 46 tackles (38 solo), 4 FF, 1 INT, 13.5 sacks. What can I say other than he's one of the major reasons the Vikings have the record they do? He gets bonus points for being a former alcoholic who loves to kill shit.
Runner Up: Elvis Dumervil. 46 tackles (39 solo), 3 FF, 0 INT, 15.0 sacks. At first blush his numbers look better than Jared Allen's. Hoewver, I disagree. Tackles are basically a wash and the 1.5 extra sacks don't make up for Allen's 1 more FF and 1 INT. Also, you're probably not taking Denver's D over Minny's D.
LB of the Year
Patrick Willis (SF) - 138 tackles (103 solo), 3 FF, 2 INTs, 4 sacks. He does it all and is an absolute beast. Arguably the best LB to come out of college since LT. He is that good and his numbers every year back him up.
Runner Up: Jon Beason. 121 tackles (96 solo), 0 FF, 3 INTs, 2 sacks. Numbers are pretty close to Willis, but not quite as good. Still a great season from him.
DB of the Year
Charles Woodson (GB) - 70 tackles (62 solo), 4 FF, 8 INTs, 2 sacks, 2 TDs. Monster year from this guy. It's tough to say how many extra wins he's added to the Packers this year, but I'm sure it is at least two. Bonus points for going to Michigan.
Runner Up: Brian Dawkins. 100 tackles (82 solo), 1 FF, 2 INTs, 0 sacks. He's been a beast this year but his INTs are simply too low. I am also 99.9% certain he's taking some sort of steroid. He's like 40 and still gets up like a 25 year old who just decapitated his opponent after every tackle. Make your own conclusions...
Offensive Comeback Player of the Year
Ricky Williams, RB (MIA) - I'd like to put Brett Favre here, but I just have a feeling that he's going to continue to tank the rest of this season away (quick, someone get him some Vicodin, stat!). Ricky wins because after Ronnie Brown went down he was an absolute beast (100+ yards rushing in 4 of 6 games and 5 TDs). He also gets high.
Defensive Comeback Player of the Year
Bernard Pollard, DB (HOU) - OK so his year in 2008 wasn't that bad. But then you start to think about the fact that the Chiefs cut this guy. And how did he respond? By putting up 89 tackles (70 solo), 0.5 sacks, 1 FF, 2 INTs, and 1 TD... in 11 games! In 16 games with the Chiefs last year he didn't match his pass deflection total (4), TDs, sacks, or INTs. Unreal year from him. Of course you have to ask yourself - does Pioli know what he's doing in KC? Or is Bellichick the only thing good in NE?
I'd also like to note that my Breakout Players of the Year were Miles Austin and Elvis Dumervil. I already spoke of them, so I figured another couple of paragraphs was overkill.
Also, Tom Cable - you are my coach of the year.
Aaron Rodgers (GB) - This was a tough one. I went with Rodgers here because he's put up the most points in standard ESPN scoring leagues, led the Packers to a respectable record, and offers something none of the other QBs do - rushing (283 yards, 3 TDs YTD). He also only has 7 INTs thus far this year and has taken an absolute pounding (David Carr style) and hasn't missed a game all year.
Runner Up: Peyton Manning. Did the most with the least, making Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie fantasy relevant. Also currently undefeated.
RB of the Year
Chris Johnson (TEN) - This was an easy one. Leads all players in ESPN scoring, has over 1600 yards rushing, 11 TDs, and is very valuable in PPR leagues (42 receptions, 391 yards, and 2 receiving TDs). He has been particularly good seeing as how there are really no other offensive threats on the Titans. How good would his numbers be if VY were starting all year? With the Alcoholic at the helm, he only had 2 TDs and 2 100+ rushing efforts through 6 games. With VY? 9 TDs and 8 100+ yard efforts through 8 games. Unreal.
Runner Up: Ray Rice. Narrowly edges AP given his aptitude for catching passes (and thus, superior value in PPR leagues) as he's racked up 68 receptions YTD compared to AP's 36.
WR of the Year
Andre Johnson (HOU) - He has put up astounding numbers thus far this season. He's 5th in receptions (81), 1st in yards (1237) and tied for 7th in TDs (8). He also leads everyone in standard ESPN leagues in points by 10. He also wakes up every day thanking God he's not on the Lions (Charles Rogers is somewhere shooting up right now).
Runner Up: Miles Austin. I'm taking him here over DeSean Jackson since Jackson was drafted and Austin was not. He's clearly this year's winner for "guy who ruined fantasy leagues".
TE of the Year
Vernon Davis (SF) - He needs to send Alex Smith something really nice for Christmas. I mean, really nice. Like a $5,000 hooker and a brand new Bugatti. He leads all TEs in TDs (11) and is second in yards (815). The kid is finally starting to live up to his potential.
Runner Up: Dallas Clark. He demanded a pretty high draft pick before the season started and has delivered. In PPR leagues, he's the clear #1, but since you had to take him so much higher than Davis, he's second in my book.
DE of the Year
Jared Allen (MIN) - 46 tackles (38 solo), 4 FF, 1 INT, 13.5 sacks. What can I say other than he's one of the major reasons the Vikings have the record they do? He gets bonus points for being a former alcoholic who loves to kill shit.
Runner Up: Elvis Dumervil. 46 tackles (39 solo), 3 FF, 0 INT, 15.0 sacks. At first blush his numbers look better than Jared Allen's. Hoewver, I disagree. Tackles are basically a wash and the 1.5 extra sacks don't make up for Allen's 1 more FF and 1 INT. Also, you're probably not taking Denver's D over Minny's D.
LB of the Year
Patrick Willis (SF) - 138 tackles (103 solo), 3 FF, 2 INTs, 4 sacks. He does it all and is an absolute beast. Arguably the best LB to come out of college since LT. He is that good and his numbers every year back him up.
Runner Up: Jon Beason. 121 tackles (96 solo), 0 FF, 3 INTs, 2 sacks. Numbers are pretty close to Willis, but not quite as good. Still a great season from him.
DB of the Year
Charles Woodson (GB) - 70 tackles (62 solo), 4 FF, 8 INTs, 2 sacks, 2 TDs. Monster year from this guy. It's tough to say how many extra wins he's added to the Packers this year, but I'm sure it is at least two. Bonus points for going to Michigan.
Runner Up: Brian Dawkins. 100 tackles (82 solo), 1 FF, 2 INTs, 0 sacks. He's been a beast this year but his INTs are simply too low. I am also 99.9% certain he's taking some sort of steroid. He's like 40 and still gets up like a 25 year old who just decapitated his opponent after every tackle. Make your own conclusions...
Offensive Comeback Player of the Year
Ricky Williams, RB (MIA) - I'd like to put Brett Favre here, but I just have a feeling that he's going to continue to tank the rest of this season away (quick, someone get him some Vicodin, stat!). Ricky wins because after Ronnie Brown went down he was an absolute beast (100+ yards rushing in 4 of 6 games and 5 TDs). He also gets high.
Defensive Comeback Player of the Year
Bernard Pollard, DB (HOU) - OK so his year in 2008 wasn't that bad. But then you start to think about the fact that the Chiefs cut this guy. And how did he respond? By putting up 89 tackles (70 solo), 0.5 sacks, 1 FF, 2 INTs, and 1 TD... in 11 games! In 16 games with the Chiefs last year he didn't match his pass deflection total (4), TDs, sacks, or INTs. Unreal year from him. Of course you have to ask yourself - does Pioli know what he's doing in KC? Or is Bellichick the only thing good in NE?
I'd also like to note that my Breakout Players of the Year were Miles Austin and Elvis Dumervil. I already spoke of them, so I figured another couple of paragraphs was overkill.
Also, Tom Cable - you are my coach of the year.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Potshots: The NFC
Alright, I'm doing this because my life is on tilt right now. Anyway, here is what I think of all NFL teams:
Dallas: You're 8-3 but your remaining schedule is rough, your best WR is Miles Austin, and your three-headed RB combo will likely get you in trouble. It's like Tony Romo is Tiger Woods and your RBs are his mistresses. You know the story. This won't end well for you.
Philadelphia: Your quarterback is black and not named Doug Williams and even worse your coach is Andy Reid. You've been down this road a thousand times. It's like Notre Dame still hanging on for football glory, only for an NFL team. Give up now Philly fans. And oh yeah, the Michael Vick signing? What a waste of money. Barf.
New York Giants: Eli Manning is not Peyton Manning, and to top if off - he's playing hurt. You guys have lost two of your starting cornerbacks. Brandon Jacobs looks like Shaun Alexander (2007 version). You are fucked.
Washington: Well, it could be worse. You could be Oakland or Tampa Bay. Either way, your starting RB is getting old, you have no franchise QB, and your defense is mediocre at best. Things won't be getting better for a while in Washington, so I suggest you start playing fantasy football (heavily, like... drinking, but instead of stopping at drink #12, going for the full 24).
Minnesota: Your players can't drive 55 and Favre can't throw in December. As a Vikings fan, how worried are you that you'll face the Packers in the playoffs and they will decimate you? Jared Allen is a beast, however, and you probably owe the entire city of Kansas City a steak dinner, lap dance, and $200 suck and fuck.
Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers might be the most underrated QB in the NFL right now (certainly, he's #1 in fantasy points but never mentioned in the Brees/Manning/Favre discussion... odd) but your RB is still Ryan Grant, your defense (outside of Charles Woodson) still sucks (AJ Hawk, I'm looking at you, you ugly piece of shit) and you are based in Green Bay. I'd rather put a team in Wheaton, IL.
Chicago: You're killing yourself over Cutler. But fret not, Orton has shown his true colors in Denver and will never win anything. Well, maybe a jack daniels drinking competition, but that's another article. Matt Forte, you ruined one of my fantasy teams this year. Go back to Tulane you fuck.
Detroit: Two more wins this year than last year. Too bad Michigan as a state is on tilt. Don't kill yourself, but developing some sort of suicide plan might be a good idea.
New Orleans: Wow, how good would you be if you had Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bust? I don't know. Probably not much better. Can't really hate on the Saints.
Atlanta: You are bipolar and need medication. Matt Ryan has saved the franchise but now he's hurt. Michael Turner - it was fun while it lasted.
Carolina: I could write an entire book about your incompetence as a football team and a front office. Jake Delhomme was never the answer, you don't have a first round pick in 2010, and you're going to start sucking for a long period of time. Beginning this year (4-7 hello).
Tampa Bay: If you were a television show, you'd either be that failed Matt LeBlanc / Joey Tribbiani spin off show, or the Magic Johnson talk show. I can't decide. Both were awful. You also win the award for "average football fan might not be able to name anyone on our roster".
Arizona: No one really cares about you, and tons of people are secretly rooting for Kurt Warner to fail so they can bang his wife. For money, of course. But still...
San Francisco: Michael Crabtree has been impressive after blowing off the first half of the season, but your QB still sucks, the defense hasn't been very inspired, and your coach is not white.
Seattle: Good lord, you are like the old dog that needs to be put to sleep - only no one in the family has the heart to do it. Justin Forsett? Really? No... never..
St. Louis: We'll remember this as the year Steven Jackson killed himself on one of the worst teams in football. And we'll only remember it when 60 minutes does a story in 2035 with Jackson in a wheelchair, Earl Campbell style.
Coming soon: the AFC and my NFL picks for Sunday.
Dallas: You're 8-3 but your remaining schedule is rough, your best WR is Miles Austin, and your three-headed RB combo will likely get you in trouble. It's like Tony Romo is Tiger Woods and your RBs are his mistresses. You know the story. This won't end well for you.
Philadelphia: Your quarterback is black and not named Doug Williams and even worse your coach is Andy Reid. You've been down this road a thousand times. It's like Notre Dame still hanging on for football glory, only for an NFL team. Give up now Philly fans. And oh yeah, the Michael Vick signing? What a waste of money. Barf.
New York Giants: Eli Manning is not Peyton Manning, and to top if off - he's playing hurt. You guys have lost two of your starting cornerbacks. Brandon Jacobs looks like Shaun Alexander (2007 version). You are fucked.
Washington: Well, it could be worse. You could be Oakland or Tampa Bay. Either way, your starting RB is getting old, you have no franchise QB, and your defense is mediocre at best. Things won't be getting better for a while in Washington, so I suggest you start playing fantasy football (heavily, like... drinking, but instead of stopping at drink #12, going for the full 24).
Minnesota: Your players can't drive 55 and Favre can't throw in December. As a Vikings fan, how worried are you that you'll face the Packers in the playoffs and they will decimate you? Jared Allen is a beast, however, and you probably owe the entire city of Kansas City a steak dinner, lap dance, and $200 suck and fuck.
Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers might be the most underrated QB in the NFL right now (certainly, he's #1 in fantasy points but never mentioned in the Brees/Manning/Favre discussion... odd) but your RB is still Ryan Grant, your defense (outside of Charles Woodson) still sucks (AJ Hawk, I'm looking at you, you ugly piece of shit) and you are based in Green Bay. I'd rather put a team in Wheaton, IL.
Chicago: You're killing yourself over Cutler. But fret not, Orton has shown his true colors in Denver and will never win anything. Well, maybe a jack daniels drinking competition, but that's another article. Matt Forte, you ruined one of my fantasy teams this year. Go back to Tulane you fuck.
Detroit: Two more wins this year than last year. Too bad Michigan as a state is on tilt. Don't kill yourself, but developing some sort of suicide plan might be a good idea.
New Orleans: Wow, how good would you be if you had Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bust? I don't know. Probably not much better. Can't really hate on the Saints.
Atlanta: You are bipolar and need medication. Matt Ryan has saved the franchise but now he's hurt. Michael Turner - it was fun while it lasted.
Carolina: I could write an entire book about your incompetence as a football team and a front office. Jake Delhomme was never the answer, you don't have a first round pick in 2010, and you're going to start sucking for a long period of time. Beginning this year (4-7 hello).
Tampa Bay: If you were a television show, you'd either be that failed Matt LeBlanc / Joey Tribbiani spin off show, or the Magic Johnson talk show. I can't decide. Both were awful. You also win the award for "average football fan might not be able to name anyone on our roster".
Arizona: No one really cares about you, and tons of people are secretly rooting for Kurt Warner to fail so they can bang his wife. For money, of course. But still...
San Francisco: Michael Crabtree has been impressive after blowing off the first half of the season, but your QB still sucks, the defense hasn't been very inspired, and your coach is not white.
Seattle: Good lord, you are like the old dog that needs to be put to sleep - only no one in the family has the heart to do it. Justin Forsett? Really? No... never..
St. Louis: We'll remember this as the year Steven Jackson killed himself on one of the worst teams in football. And we'll only remember it when 60 minutes does a story in 2035 with Jackson in a wheelchair, Earl Campbell style.
Coming soon: the AFC and my NFL picks for Sunday.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Potshots: Matt Millen
Debut of a new part of this blog - potshots. Basically I rip someone who is currently in sports. The first victim? Matt Millen.
I'm going to start off by showing you a team Millen could have realistically fielded as he was Lions GM from 2000 through 2008 (Note: "realistically" defined as "actual pick was a bust and guy they could have taken was gone within the next 10 picks and would have fit a position of need"):
QB: Ben Roethlisberger, Joe Flacco
RB: LenDale White, Ray Rice
TE: Chris Cooley, Brent Celek
WR: Steve Smith (utah), Andre Johnson, Marques Colston
T: Bryant McKinnie, Ryan Harris
DT: Frank Okam
OLB: Shawne Merriman, LaMarr Woodley
MLB: Scott Fujita
CB: Nate Clements
S: Ken Hamlin, Bob Sanders
Granted most of these are totally off in a fantasy world (hell, the Lions had a lot of team needs, so this was pretty easy), but there were two f*ck ups that caught my eye: Millen drafting Mike Williams (WR - USC) over Big Ben and taking Drew Stanton (QB - MSU) in the second round, a few picks before the HOMETOWN LaMarr Woodley.
The reason Mike Williams was taken, beyond that Millen is simply a pure moron, is that he was the best player available (even though he hadn't played football in a year) and Joey Harrington was still around (and for some reason Millen had faith). This idiotic move cost the Lions 10 years, minimum.
The next year Millen drafts a QB in the second round, even though Stanton is NOT a franchise QB. I don't get this, at all. He never won anything at MSU, and his combine numbers weren't eye popping. Woodley dominated for four years at Michigan, grew up in the area, and was pretty much a "can't miss" talent for a second round price. I think Pittsburgh owes Detroit some sort of annuity for this.
Since those two decisions took place, the Steelers have won 2 Super Bowls and the Lions went 0-16 last year. Matt Millen, please take a bow.
So why is he everywhere these days? He set the Lions back 20 years with his 9 year GM stint. He doesn't deserve to constantly be on TV. Just check out his current gigs:
Announcing on NFL network
Announcing ABC college football
Announcing ESPN college football
Broadcast booth on ESPN Monday Night Football
Broadcast booth on NBC Sunday Night Football
Unreal. Go away Millen. I'm not even a Lions fan.
I'm going to start off by showing you a team Millen could have realistically fielded as he was Lions GM from 2000 through 2008 (Note: "realistically" defined as "actual pick was a bust and guy they could have taken was gone within the next 10 picks and would have fit a position of need"):
QB: Ben Roethlisberger, Joe Flacco
RB: LenDale White, Ray Rice
TE: Chris Cooley, Brent Celek
WR: Steve Smith (utah), Andre Johnson, Marques Colston
T: Bryant McKinnie, Ryan Harris
DT: Frank Okam
OLB: Shawne Merriman, LaMarr Woodley
MLB: Scott Fujita
CB: Nate Clements
S: Ken Hamlin, Bob Sanders
Granted most of these are totally off in a fantasy world (hell, the Lions had a lot of team needs, so this was pretty easy), but there were two f*ck ups that caught my eye: Millen drafting Mike Williams (WR - USC) over Big Ben and taking Drew Stanton (QB - MSU) in the second round, a few picks before the HOMETOWN LaMarr Woodley.
The reason Mike Williams was taken, beyond that Millen is simply a pure moron, is that he was the best player available (even though he hadn't played football in a year) and Joey Harrington was still around (and for some reason Millen had faith). This idiotic move cost the Lions 10 years, minimum.
The next year Millen drafts a QB in the second round, even though Stanton is NOT a franchise QB. I don't get this, at all. He never won anything at MSU, and his combine numbers weren't eye popping. Woodley dominated for four years at Michigan, grew up in the area, and was pretty much a "can't miss" talent for a second round price. I think Pittsburgh owes Detroit some sort of annuity for this.
Since those two decisions took place, the Steelers have won 2 Super Bowls and the Lions went 0-16 last year. Matt Millen, please take a bow.
So why is he everywhere these days? He set the Lions back 20 years with his 9 year GM stint. He doesn't deserve to constantly be on TV. Just check out his current gigs:
Announcing on NFL network
Announcing ABC college football
Announcing ESPN college football
Broadcast booth on ESPN Monday Night Football
Broadcast booth on NBC Sunday Night Football
Unreal. Go away Millen. I'm not even a Lions fan.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
NFL Picks - Week 11
Buffalo (+9) over JACKSONVILLE. I don't think Jax is a 9 point spread team, even if they are at home. I know Buffalo is bad, but work with me here. At least they have some offensive players who can bust big plays. MJD still has a field day here.
KANSAS CITY (+11) over Pittsburgh. No Troy P = No Good for Pitt. KC looks a little revamped over the past few weeks, and could possibly put up a good show at home. No DBowe is a problem for this team, but 11 points is a lot for this PIT team to be giving this year.
Indianapolis (-2) over BALTIMORE. Peyton Manning for MVP this year, no doubt. I think Baltimore is overrated. Indy exposes them. Like a male flasher to females.
Seattle (+11) over MINNESOTA. For some reason Brett Favre is earning points with me this year. I used to hate that guy but now it doesn't seem like he's that bad of a guy. Perhaps it is because all of GB (trash) hates him. Anyway, a lot of points to be giving up to a Seattle team that is either boom or bust each week. This one is a total crapshoot.
Atlanta (+7) over NEW YORK GIANTS. I don't care if Michael Turner is out, 7 points here is ridiculous. Matt Ryan has a field day with those Giants DBs. I think Atlanta wins, actually. Bet on them straight up. Big pay day.
New Orleans (-11) over TAMPA BAY. I'm listening to Lil Wayne right now, I'll call that an omen for the Saints in this game. And BTW, I think the Saints do it BIG today after squeezing past the Rams last week. I'm talking 4 TD winning margin big.
DETROIT (-3) over Cleveland. Holy shit Detroit is laying points and I'm taking them. Says a lot about Cleveland this year.
San Francisco (+6.5) over GREEN BAY. Too many points here, but I do like GB to win this game.
Washington (+11) over DALLAS. Again, seems like a little bit too much for me. I'd like this at Dallas -7, but not much more.
ST. LOUIS (+9.5) over Arizona. I don't trust Kurt Warner this year, at all. Another one of those "don't touch" games. I'll take STL after their performance against NO last week.
NEW ENGLAND (-11) over New York Jets. Revenge game. NE playing out of its mind over the past month. A spread you can't really explain. All of these things add up to "bet on NE for this game".
Cincinnati (-9.5) over OAKLAND. If this were NE or Indy or NO the spread would be 14. The Bengals are still getting a discount. I think they win this game by 3 TDs. My second lock of the week.
San Diego (-5.5) over DENVER. WOW, what a spread. Denver was undefeated just a few weeks ago and now this? Why the hell would I take SD laying that many points on the road? Sometimes, it's all about the simple things in life. Rivers > Simms. By a lot.
CHICAGO (+3) over Philadelphia. Tough game to bet on. I'll take the Bears in a bounce back game over the up-and-down Eagles.
HOUSTON (-4) over Tennessee. Vince Young > The Alcoholic but is not enough here. BTW, this is a Monday Night game? Two terrible ones in a row. Thanks NFL! Seriously, we can't make SNF and MNF games after the bye weeks have some sort of "flex" option, where we are getting the best games every week? Too complex for you, NFL?
KANSAS CITY (+11) over Pittsburgh. No Troy P = No Good for Pitt. KC looks a little revamped over the past few weeks, and could possibly put up a good show at home. No DBowe is a problem for this team, but 11 points is a lot for this PIT team to be giving this year.
Indianapolis (-2) over BALTIMORE. Peyton Manning for MVP this year, no doubt. I think Baltimore is overrated. Indy exposes them. Like a male flasher to females.
Seattle (+11) over MINNESOTA. For some reason Brett Favre is earning points with me this year. I used to hate that guy but now it doesn't seem like he's that bad of a guy. Perhaps it is because all of GB (trash) hates him. Anyway, a lot of points to be giving up to a Seattle team that is either boom or bust each week. This one is a total crapshoot.
Atlanta (+7) over NEW YORK GIANTS. I don't care if Michael Turner is out, 7 points here is ridiculous. Matt Ryan has a field day with those Giants DBs. I think Atlanta wins, actually. Bet on them straight up. Big pay day.
New Orleans (-11) over TAMPA BAY. I'm listening to Lil Wayne right now, I'll call that an omen for the Saints in this game. And BTW, I think the Saints do it BIG today after squeezing past the Rams last week. I'm talking 4 TD winning margin big.
DETROIT (-3) over Cleveland. Holy shit Detroit is laying points and I'm taking them. Says a lot about Cleveland this year.
San Francisco (+6.5) over GREEN BAY. Too many points here, but I do like GB to win this game.
Washington (+11) over DALLAS. Again, seems like a little bit too much for me. I'd like this at Dallas -7, but not much more.
ST. LOUIS (+9.5) over Arizona. I don't trust Kurt Warner this year, at all. Another one of those "don't touch" games. I'll take STL after their performance against NO last week.
NEW ENGLAND (-11) over New York Jets. Revenge game. NE playing out of its mind over the past month. A spread you can't really explain. All of these things add up to "bet on NE for this game".
Cincinnati (-9.5) over OAKLAND. If this were NE or Indy or NO the spread would be 14. The Bengals are still getting a discount. I think they win this game by 3 TDs. My second lock of the week.
San Diego (-5.5) over DENVER. WOW, what a spread. Denver was undefeated just a few weeks ago and now this? Why the hell would I take SD laying that many points on the road? Sometimes, it's all about the simple things in life. Rivers > Simms. By a lot.
CHICAGO (+3) over Philadelphia. Tough game to bet on. I'll take the Bears in a bounce back game over the up-and-down Eagles.
HOUSTON (-4) over Tennessee. Vince Young > The Alcoholic but is not enough here. BTW, this is a Monday Night game? Two terrible ones in a row. Thanks NFL! Seriously, we can't make SNF and MNF games after the bye weeks have some sort of "flex" option, where we are getting the best games every week? Too complex for you, NFL?
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